Mass Effect 1 Garrus' world
by HotMezoti
Summary: This is part 1 (completed) of the trilogy with part 2 still in development. Following Garrus and Jane Shepard as they become friends and more. Lemony content. All characters owned by Bioware. Some dialog straight out of the series for realism. **Fixed the problem with the corrupted text in Chapter one and Chapter 8.
1. Chapter 1

Garrus watched the back of her helmet as she talked to the Officer.

"Spectres are above the law, that's dangerous." Officer said.

"But the Council needs people to do the dirty jobs." She countered.

Garrus watched as she deftly defended her species while gaining the officer's trust. In a few short exchanges, she'd been able to deflect his bait to goad her into an angry response. He shook his head. This human, this woman was unlike any other. That's probably why he'd decided to join her so quickly. He felt it, an instinct that she was different. She'd proven that time and time again on their missions over the past week.

A steady and hard soldier, she'd never crossed the line into blood-thirstiness, yet wasn't afraid to go outside the letter of the law when she needed to. She'd shown a soft side as well, even when Garrus didn't agree, and she'd turn out to be right. "More than one way to get the job done," she'd said once and given him a sideways smile.

He'd heard her defend Turians too, even when she thought no one else was listening. The other human female, Ashley Williams, had advised her to keep the aliens out of the Normandy systems. Garrus had been kneeling down by the Mako, checking the damage from the last mission. Turians had superior hearing to humans, and he knew they didn't think he could overhear. It was one of the few times he'd heard Shepard get angry as she reamed Ashley a new one over her racist attitude.

He continued to walk behind her as they made their way to her Ambassador's office. He and Tali stood off to the side as Shepard discussed the recent mission to Therum.

"Do you know how upset the Council was those ruins were destroyed!" Udina was red in the face.

Garrus shook his head, _Humans really do like to yell at each other_.

Anderson defended her, but Shepard spoke up for herself as well. As the heated exchange was over, the three of them left the office.

Garrus looked down at her, "Well, that went well." He said sarcastically.

She laughed, "Yea, just wait until things really get going."

"Do you think he'll cut you off from his support?" Garrus knew a Turian could never go against such a high ranking officer, Spectre or not.

"I don't think so. I try not to go too far out of bounds, but this mission is too important to play politics."

They walked to the elevators to C-sec. Tali was telling Shepard about her enviro-suit. Garrus thought back to how Shepard had handled the snide comments and innuendo the reporter had thrown at her yesterday. He looked down at Shepard, if he didn't know better, he'd think she was a Turian.

They made their way back to the Normandy, once inside, Shepard pulled Garrus aside.

"Do you think you have some time later to help me out with some strategy?"

Garrus was flattered, "Um, sure. Whenever you want, Shepard."

She beamed at him, "Great. I'll be in my quarters, maybe you could come by in about an hour?"

"No problem," he nodded.

An hour later in his casuals, he walked towards her quarters. The human male, Kaidan, was working on a control panel outside. Garrus frowned, he must be a pretty lousy engineer if he had to keep fixing the same parts. Kaidan looked up and caught his gaze. Garrus gave him a quick nod and walked towards the Commander's door.

He pinged it and he heard her yell enter. He opened it and she stood up, walking over to him.

"Garrus! Thanks for taking the time to come up here. Have a seat," she motioned to her table. He sat down, and looked at the datapads spread over it. She sighed, "I'm trying to prioritize the next mission. I could use your help."

He was perplexed, he was not her second in Command, yet she was seeking his input on the very nature of their mission. He cleared his throat, "You sure you shouldn't be asking Pressly?"

She shook her head no, "Not that I don't value his opinion, but I know he'll defer to standard procedure, and this mission is anything but standard." She eyed him critically, "Are you uncomfortable with me asking you?"

"No, I just don't want to make waves on the ship and cause problems."

She waved her hand, "My crew doesn't see it that way. They trust me, and if they don't, I'll prove it eventually." She handed him a datapad, "These are our options, I'm leaning towards going to Feros, but tell me what you think."

He reviewed the reports as she got up and walked to her cabinet. He looked up at her, "So Noveria's your second choice?"

She was rattling around glasses, "Yes."

"Hmm. I think you should consider going there before Feros. We are low on funds, short on supplies, we can stock up there. Feros is going to be a supply drain. It's a pretty barren world and small colony that's in distress." He looked up at her as she handed him an orange drink.

"What's this?"

"Turian ale. It's good, so I've heard."

He took a sip, "It's very good. Where did you get it?" he knew that wasn't Alliance standard issue.

She sat across from him, drinking something brown from her glass. "Last time we were on the Citadel, I ordered some and had it delivered with the shipment. I was hoping to be able to share a drink with you. Well, with some human rum for me." She raised her glass.

He was intrigued, "Indeed." He took another drink.

She picked up a datapad, "So, Noveria. I understand your point, but those colonists must really need our help. I'm not –"

The door pinged.

She grunted in frustration, "Yes? Enter."

Kaidan came in, "Shepard, I wanted to let you know that I fixed the short in the system." He looked past Garrus at her.

"Okay, thanks Kaidan." She looked steadily at him.

Garrus looked back over his shoulder at Kaidan who was starting to get red in the face. _He's interested in her_ , he realized.

"We're doing some work here, can we discuss it later?" she said.

Garrus smirked, _She's way out of your league,_ he thought, watching his face.

"Sure, later." He smiled broadly and turned to leave.

Garrus was perplexed at his reaction. _He must really be blind._ He turned back to face Shepard and saw the look of fondness on her face. _Oh damn, she's into him._ Shepard continued to talk about the plight of the colonists as Garrus mentally put the pieces together; Kaidan spending so much time right outside of her quarters, his barging in on them to check things out, her quick reassurance and plans for them to meet later. He nodded as Shepard talked, not paying attention to her words. How could someone like her be interested in someone like Kaidan?

He pointed out, "I still think Noveria's the best choice. Matriarch Benezia's there. Who knows how long she'll stay. We could be chasing her all over the galaxy."

She looked at the table and nodded, "Yes, that is the best choice," she sighed, "the colonists will have to wait. I guess that's why we have to make the hard choices."

"What do you mean?"

"Because we can see the big picture. Sacrifices have to be made. We can't save everyone." She set her jaw.

"Indeed, that is unfortunately true." He finished up his drink and set it down on the table. Standing up, he said, "Well, I'll be going then."

She frowned, "Wait – so soon? You don't have to. Sit, sit, and have another drink. We won't make it to Noveria until late so we'll have to put the mission off until tomorrow." She brought up her omni-tool and sent a message to Joker. She took his glass and went back to her cabinet.

Garrus sat down and rubbed his neck, "I, uh, thought you might have plans."

"Hm, what?" she asked.

"I thought you might be busy."

She walked back towards him and handed him a full glass, "I'm not too busy to get to know my crew. That is, if you have the time."

"Oh, definitely." He replied. They sat and talked for more than hour, about the mission, about human / Turian customs and culture. She asked a lot of questions, she was interested in all facets of his home world. They laughed and drank and another hour went by. Finally Garrus got up, "It's getting late, I'd better go. I'm going to get something to eat, do you want to go down to the mess hall?"

She stood up and stretched, "Thanks, but I've got to finish my research on Noveria to prep for tomorrow. I appreciate you coming by."

"Anytime Shepard, I enjoy your company." He opened her door and walked out.

She leaned against the doorway, "Same here Garrus." She smiled, then her face changed, annoyed. He looked behind him and saw Kaidan sitting at a table, glaring at them.

"I hope I didn't get you in trouble or anything," Garrus said under his breath.

She shook her head, "No, don't worry about it."

Garrus turned and walked past Kaidan towards the elevators. He could just hear him complaining to Shepard, "You guys were in there working for a while."

Garrus rolled his eyes and got in the elevator towards cargo bay. _She can't be serious about that idiot._


	2. Chapter 2

The next day they were on Noveria. Garrus was pleased to be chosen again for the mission with Tali. It was an intricate mission with intrigue and fast choices to be made.

When Shepard was talking with Gianna Parasini, Garrus could sense her hesitation in helping her by enlisting Lorik Qui'in's help. He did something he'd never done before on a mission, disagree with a Commanding officer in public.

"Anoleis is dirty. If we help her, we can bring him down." He held his breath, immediately regretting saying it.

Shepard continued questioning Parasini, then said, "Okay, I'll help you. I'll talk to Lorik Qui'in, as long as you can get me a pass to the garage."

Parasini nodded, and as she walked away, Shepard turned towards Garrus, "Good call," and strode purposefully towards Qui'in's table. Garrus let out the breath he was holding. This mission showed him more of her command style, how she worked with different races, balancing their needs with the importance of the mission. She was changing his ideas of humans. She was so willing to help everyone out, regardless of species.

Fighting the corrupt guards, he was impressed with her fighting style as well. Her use of biotics was smart in conjunction with her skill with a shotgun. She had a sniper rifle too, but deferred to Garrus for that function. "You're the best sniper on the Normandy," she told him.

He started to feel protective towards her, "Be careful Shepard, the Council has no jurisdiction here." She nodded, not getting defensive as other humans had done before with advice he'd given them.

As the mission progressed, it became more dangerous, but the three of them worked seamlessly as a team. Matriarch Benezia dead, the Rachni Queen released, they made their way back to the Normandy.

He watched by the door of the com room as she talked with the Council, their accusatory tone about the risks of releasing the queen into the wild. She stood fast, keeping them on track about the mission at hand, confident in her decision. She shut off the com and turned, seeing Garrus.

"Oh, sorry, I shouldn't have stayed." He said.

"That's okay, I don't mind," she grabbed him by the arm as they walked around to the CIC, "I just hope I made the right decision. I just had an instinct that she was looking to make a positive change in the universe. I couldn't sentence her to death after everything she'd been through." She sighed, "I know you didn't agree with me."

He looked down at her, "I'm not sure myself. The extinction of an entire species is not to be taken lightly."

Still holding onto his arm, she approached the stairs, "I'm going to head to the Citadel next. We need to stock up on food and get some R&R."

"Really?"

"Sure. It can't be all work. The crew will burn out. What do Turians do to keep morale up?"

"On tough missions we spar with each other."

Her eyes lit up, "Sparring, huh? That sounds great. Think we could do that?"

He laughed uncomfortably, "I don't know Shepard. I wouldn't want to hurt you."

She roared with laughter, "That confident, huh? I'll have you know I was the top hand-to-hand specialist in my class in the Alliance."

"Maybe you'd better spar with one of your team, Kaidan or Ashley?"

She made a face, "What? I want an actual challenge. Besides, I'll learn something from you. Come on, what do you say?"

He looked at her pleading face, "All right, if you think it will be okay."

"Pshh, of course. The question is, will you be okay?" She let go of his arm and skipped down the stairs in front of him.

An hour later he was working on the Mako when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you got some time?"

He stepped back and saw Shepard standing in shorts and a tank top, taping her hands. "Uh, yea, just let me get changed. I'll meet you back here." He pointed to the corner where the crew had set up a make-shift gym. She grinned and nodded and walked over to the punching bag.

Garrus was soon facing her in his own gym clothes, "Are you sure about this?"

She was staring at him, "Well, even if it's just to see what you've been hiding under that armor, it's worth it."

He tilted his head, was she flirting with him?

She turned and started moving back and forth on her feet, motioning him to come at her.

He walked slowly over to her as she held her fists up in front of her face. He felt like he towered over her. She bounced around him, finally putting her hands down, "Dammit Garrus, I'm not a delicate flower, let's go!" and she clocked his side.

He deflected her next blow and placed a light one on her arm.

"You're still holding back, this is not relieving my stress, Garrus." She went at him full force, engaging him in back and forth punches.

"That's more like it!" she grinned, and swept her leg under him, knocking him to the ground. She straddled him and attempted to hold his arms down. He flipped her over and got up, grabbing her arm and holding it behind her, knocking her knees out so she ended up down in front of him.

She grunted and attempted to get out of the hold. Garrus let out a sharp yell when he felt teeth in his hand. She jumped up, panting, facing him with his blue blood dripping out of her mouth. He went into primitive mode, lunging at her and grabbing her shoulders, slamming her against the wall. He held one hand at her throat and slammed her head against the wall. She frantically tried to grab at him, but he held her down with his forearm so she couldn't move. She started to lose her breath as she dug her hands into his shoulders. Attempting to pull him back, she grabbed the back of his fringe and pulled hard with both hands. He immediately let go of her throat and threw her on the ground, growling, he pinned her down as she finally gasped air in. With one leg he deftly spread her legs apart. As she finally caught her breath, she yelled out, "I give, I give Garrus!"

He leaned down over her, not hearing her. He hovered over her neck, his hand starting to snake down her abdomen to her crotch. Her voice louder in his ear, she laughed, "You've got me, sorry I bit you."

His primitive brain starting to recede, he pulled back, looking down at her. She was grinning, shaking her head, "Holy shit, you were right, I think I need some light armor on to spar with you."

He let go of her shoulders, calming his breathing. She turned over and got out from underneath him. He put his hands to his head, things had shifted so quickly when he saw his blood on her mouth, and she had pulled on his fringe. He realized she had no idea that was sexual foreplay. He'd reacted, initiating mating with her, what was he thinking? He looked around, she was untaping her hands, looking unfazed. No one else was there, he was the only one who knew what had happened. Shit, that was too close. What was he thinking trying to mate with her, a human, his Commander?

She looked critically at him, "You okay, Garrus?"

He stood up quickly, "Yea, I just, I lost control. Are you okay?"

"Yea, a little headache, but no big deal." She smiled.

"I saw that. You tried to warn me. I should have listened to you. It was fun, though. Maybe we should stick to human stress relievers from now on."

"Like what?" he held his hands in front of him to hide the bulge in his shorts from where his plates had shifted.

She wiped the sweat and blood off, "Oh, drinking, dancing, watching vids. Stuff like that."

"That sounds good." He tried to stand casually.

Her omni-tool pinged. She looked at it and read a message, frowning. "I've got to go. Thanks for the lesson, Garrus."

"I don't know how much of a lesson it was."

"A lesson in Turian instincts. I won't provoke that kind of anger in you again."

"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't scare you off." he was silently cursing himself.

She patted his shoulder, "No, no, don't worry. I need to acknowledge how powerful your species really is. I like it." She smiled.

His mind reeled over what happened. He'd worked with other females – Turian and human before, sparred with Turian females before, he'd never lost control and acted like that. What the hell? He was the only Turian on the Normandy, the prototype ship co-op design by Turians and humans. He was the representative of his whole species. He wasn't going to screw it up by sexually harassing the Commander, or compromising her position. He stood up straighter, attempting to get control of his reaction.

Her omni-tool went off, she walked away talking into it, "Yes, Kaidan, I'll be right there."

Garrus felt his chest sink a bit. Kaidan. He couldn't understand why that guy bothered him so much, but he did. He was such a whiner, such a pathetic soldier. Why didn't she see him for who he really was?

His erection finally going away, Garrus went to the showers to get changed and turn in for the night.

The next morning he was eating in the mess hall with some of the crew when Kaidan sat down across from him. Garrus nodded, then continued eating. Kaidan leaned over, "I saw what you did to Shepard yesterday, you crossed the line!"

Garrus stopped chewing, "What?"

Kaidan seethed, "I saw the claw marks on her neck, the bruises, who the fuck do you think you are?"

Garrus started to growl under his breath, "We were sparring, not that it's any of your business."

"That was way beyond sparring, you could have seriously hurt her!"

Garrus watched as his face turned red and thought about how Udina looked when he was yelling at Shepard the other day. He collected himself and cleared his throat, "She was fine with it, why should you have a problem?" he looked at Kaidan calmly.

Kaidan made a fist on the table, "Don't do anything like that again."

Garrus laughed, "You have absolutely no say in what we do. Whether we chose to spar in the future or not is our business, not yours." He got up to leave and Kaidan grabbed his arm.

Garrus' eyes flashed, "I suggest you remove your hand before I remove it for you."

Kaidan reluctantly let go, but leaned in, "I'm looking out for her, she depends on me."

"Then you don't know her at all, because she relies on herself." Garrus snorted in disgust and went to the kitchen, putting his plate in the chute. He walked away and down to the cargo bay to work on his calibrations of the gun systems at his computer station. He worked steadily, trying to tune out images of him slamming Kaidan through the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

He was surprised by Shepard showing up. _Dammit, I bet he told her what we talked about,_ Garrus hoped she hadn't had more time to think about the sparring and was really upset with him about it after all.

Shepard stood with her hand on her hip, "We have shore leave today, you know."

Garrus continued typing, "I know."

She walked up closer, "Well, I could use your help out today running a few errands and getting some supplies for the ship, if you could take a break."

Garrus looked up. She was smiling at him. "Sure, Shepard, no problem."

"Great, I was going to go now, are you ready to join me?"

He shut off the computer, "Let's go."

He walked with her to the elevator and out the Normandy towards the Citadel elevator. Once inside, he looked over at her for the bruises Kaidan was talking about.

"What? What is it?" she asked him.

"Oh, I was just making sure you weren't too hurt from our sparring yesterday."

She scrunched up her face, "Yea, no problem. It wasn't that big of deal."

He turned to face the elevator door, "Good, just wanted to be sure."

They walked around the Citadel, talking to different vendors, Shepard asking Garrus for his opinion on weapons mods. She helped out the Asari consort with an issue she had with General Septimus and also a human who was trying to get his wife's body released.

She turned to Garrus, "You hungry?"

"Definitely."

"Let's find someplace to eat."

They found a restaurant that catered to both their dietary needs, and sat down and dug in. Garrus admired how she ate with enjoyment, like she did everything, with utter commitment and abandon.

She glanced up at him with a mouthful of food, "What?"

He shook his head, "Just nice to see you enjoy yourself, Commander."

She swallowed and frowned, "Hey, we're off duty. You don't have to call me Commander."

"Okay Shepard, uh, Ma'am."

She shook her head, "Nope, call me Jane."

He raised his eyebrows, "No, no I can't."

She looked at him with annoyance, "Look, I call you Garrus, call me Jane. Not on the battlefield of course, but we're not there now."

"You, ah, let all your officers call you by your first name?"

She sipped her water, "No, just you."

"Hmm."

She laughed, "You're different."

"Because I'm Turian?"

"No, because I trust you. I feel like we're good friends already, like we have so much in common. You're unofficially my first officer." She looked at him squarely in the eye.

"Wow, you honor me with your praise."

"It's well earned, Garrus."

"Okay, Jane."

She grinned, "That's better. Hey, after this I've got to get some work done back on the ship, but would you like to come up to my quarters later and watch a vid?"

She continued to surprise him, "Um, sure," he replied, "Just ping me when you're ready and I'll be there."

"Great. I ordered more of that Turian ale."

"Sounds nice."

She brushed a piece of hair off her face. He noticed it for the first time, it was so different. He had a sudden urge to touch it.

Shepard stood up, "I've thoroughly enjoyed myself, but there are reports I have to get done if I want to have free time tonight. I'm going back to the ship. I'll see you later Garrus."

"See you later, Jane."

Garrus hung around the Citadel for a little while longer, but soon returned to the ship and worked again at his station. Taking a break, he went to the mess hall to get something to eat. He was rummaging around the cabinets when he heard Kaidan and Shepard's voices around the corner. He didn't pay too much attention until he heard his name mentioned.

"But why?" Kaidan asked.

"Why not?" Shepard responded.

"We should be spending more time together." Kaidan complained.

"It's just one night. He's my best friend. We're just watching a vid together." Shepard's voice was irritated.

Kaidan snorted, "Best friend? You've only known him for a month!"

"So," Shepard was defensive, "sometimes it's like that, you just click with someone."

Garrus strained to hear, but their voices got too soft, and some of the other crew were talking.

Kaidan walked away, saying, "Fine, but come see me afterwards."

Garrus stayed out of sight, watching Kaidan walk towards the elevator. Shepard walked back towards her quarters, going inside. He realized she'd referred to him as her best friend. He liked that. He was now even more curious about the evening.

A few hours later Shepard pinged him and he made his way to her quarters. To his relief, Kaidan was not waiting outside her door pretending to fix a computer panel. He didn't want to have him barging in on them again.

"Enter."

Garrus went inside, drawing in a sharp breath. She was standing in casual clothes he'd not seen before – a tight t-shirt, shorts and her hair was loose and flowing down her back in long dark ribbons.

"Hey, there you are! Thanks for coming."

He smiled, "Thanks for inviting me."

They sat on her couch and drank, watching a vid, then talking for hours. He thought about Kaidan's order to her to come by after Garrus left. He was determined not to let him have his way.

"You keep looking at me funny, Garrus. Do I look that strange to you?" she cocked her head.

"No, it's your hair – I have to admit I find it fascinating. Would you mind if I just touched it?"

She giggled and turned her back to him, "No, go right ahead."

He hesitantly picked up a strand with his talon. "Oh, it's soft."

"Yes, haven't you ever felt human hair before?"

"No," he said quietly as he reached in and ran his talons through her long hair, examining the curls at the ends.

"You've never been intimate with a human before then, have you?"

He froze, "No, I haven't."

"I've had friends who were in relationships with Turians before." She said.

He wondered where she was going with this. "So have I. Have you been with another species, Jane?"

She shook her head no.

"Hmm. You against it?"

"No, I've never really thought much about it before."

"But you're asking me about it now," Garrus said.

"Well, you're my window into Turian culture. I'm fascinated by it." She turned around to face him as her hair whisped out of his hands.

"Now it's my turn," she said and reached up for his fringe.

He grabbed her forearm and stopped her, "No."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she looked upset.

"It's just, it's a very sensitive part of our body." He let go of her.

"Oh, okay. I really should do some extranet research. I'm at a disadvantage. That's how I got into some trouble with Liara earlier." She sat back on the couch, putting her legs up underneath her.

"How so?"

"Oh, no big deal. I handled it."

"I'm sure you did. You handle yourself well."

"Mmm, Thank you Garrus." She stifled a yawn.

"It's late, I'd better go."

"Yea, I'm going to turn in. We're heading to Feros tomorrow."

"You need me on that mission?"

She sighed, "I'd like to take you on all the missions, Garrus, but I've got to be fair. I'm taking Kaidan and Ashley." She made a face, "I'll have to play referee between the two of them the whole time."

"Why is that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the mom with all these kids. I suppose that makes you the dad." She smiled up at him.

He grinned, "I could do worse." He was surprised to see a blush on her cheeks. He'd worked with enough humans to recognize that.

She walked over to the door to see Garrus out, "I guess I'll see you after the mission. I enjoyed tonight, we should do it again." She leaned against the doorframe, one foot leaning against her calf. He was entranced by the shape of her legs.

"Yeah, any time Jane. Get some rest." He turned and walked out into the empty mess. Making his way down to his quarters, he was confused by his feelings towards Shepard. She was his commander, a human, yet he found himself feeling more connected towards her than anyone ever before. Human command was very different from Turians, more casual. _I guess it depends on who it is,_ he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Garrus stopped by to talk to Shepard as they approached Feros.

"Shepard, remember that Salarian geneticist I told you about?"

She nodded, brows furrowed.

"I've tracked him down. He's calling himself Dr. Heart now, some sort of twisted joke, he's on a ship in the Kepler Verge. If we hurry, we can catch him."

"Consider it done, Garrus." She brought up her omni-tool, "Joker – set a course for the coordinates Garrus sends you. We're taking a detour, then we'll be on our way to Feros." She shut it down and nodded at Garrus, "Should take us an hour to get there. Be ready."

He was relieved, "I am, and thanks Jane."

"Anything for my second in command."

Garrus got his armor on, his weapons readied.

On the ship, they fought their way through husks as they threw themselves at them. Garrus set his jaw, ready to face Dr. Saleon. The doors opened, a Salarian thanked them for rescuing him from the husks.

Garrus was thrilled, "That's him Shepard!"

Shepard looked at Garrus, "Are you sure?"

"Positive! I'd harvest your organs, Dr. Saleon, but we don't have the time."

Shepard picked up her gun and aimed as the Salarian protested vehemently. She put her gun down and looked at Garrus, "Put him out of his misery."

"Gladly." Garrus raised his sniper rifle and with one shot Dr. Saleon was dead.

"That was – satisfying." Garrus felt a twinge of anxiety for Shepard's reaction.

"Good – remember that. That's how it should be." She said.

Garrus looked at her with a new appreciation. It was nice working with a Spectre. It was nice working with her. Wrex looked through the remaining crates as Garrus and Shepard searched the room. Multicolored blood smears and puddles indicated he was continuing his work at organ harvesting.

"Glad we got him when we did. He wasn't ever going to stop." Shepard said, disgusted.

"If only they'd listened to me in the first place." Garrus said.

"Yea, at least we were able to remedy that." She put her hand on his shoulder, "Move out." And they left the ship.

Back on the Normandy, they walked down the stairs, discussing the mission. "Thanks, Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time out to take him down. He was a danger to the galaxy."

"More than that," she offered, "He was haunting you. You needed that closure."

"Yea, I suppose I did."

They walked around to the mess hall, Shepard making her way to her quarters. "I'll get out of my armor and reset for Feros." She spied Kaidan at the table, "Be ready, we'll be arriving in about an hour."

Kaidan nodded at her. She turned her attention back to Garrus, "Make sure to get those calibrations done today – We'll be stopping at different planets tomorrow – I've got to address some other issues I've been putting off."

"Sure thing, Jane." Garrus said, and walked around to the elevator.

Shepard went in her quarters, taking off her helmet and shaking out her hair. Suddenly Kaidan was behind her, he'd followed her in her quarters.

"What's going on between you two?" he pointed behind him.

"What are you talking about?"

"He's calling you Jane now?"

"Yea, because I asked him to. Look, Kaidan, if you're going to be the jealous type, this isn't going to work out." She walked over to him and put her hand on his face, "I've told you before, he's my best friend. It's different with you and me, but you can't make a scene in front of everybody. Fraternization is not taken lightly by the brass, and even though we're officially under the council, if Udina caught wind of it, one of us would be out, likely you."

Kaidan took a deep breath, "I know, I just. It's hard keeping it separate." He took her hand and kissed it.

She smiled down at him. He was so hot, she could imagine what he would look like naked, "Hey, why don't you get something to eat. It's going to be a tough mission, and I know how your biotics need the extra fuel. I have a feeling Feros won't have a lot of rations available."

"Good idea. I'll go to the mess and meet you at the docking door later." He smiled at her. His warm brown eyes made her melt. He turned and left. She sighed and pulled off her armor, sitting down to write a mission report to Captain Anderson.

Garrus worked at his computer station for the better part of the day while Shepard was out on Feros. He wanted to be ready to go with Shepard tomorrow like she'd asked. Late that night he made his way to the mess hall. He sat down next to Tali and they talked for a while, about being on the Normandy, their admiration for Shepard, their thoughts on recent missions. They talked about themselves a bit too, Garrus was interested in Tali's information on the Migrant Fleet. He'd never had an inside glimpse before.

Suddenly Shepard flew around the corner, still in her armor. "Shepard, how'd –" Garrus started, she stormed past him, Kaidan hot on her heels.

"Hey, wait-" Kaidan said, attempting to grab her arm.

She spun around and glared at him, silently she turned back around and went into her quarters. Kaidan tried to ping her door, then his omni-tool lit up and reading the message, he shut it down and slammed his fist against the wall. He stomped away towards the elevator. Tali turned to look at Garrus, "Wow, what was that all about?"

Garrus shook his head, "Looks like something went wrong on the mission." He looked around as the other crew in the mess hall were shaking their heads and whispering to each other about what they'd just seen.

Tali shook her head, "I just don't like him."

Garrus chuckled, "I thought I was the only one."

"No, I don't like his arrogance, and how he acts with Shepard, like he owns her."

Garrus was surprised, "You've seen that too?"

She nodded.

Garrus sighed, "I don't think Shepard sees it."

"Maybe she saw it today." Tali said pointedly. She got up, "See you later, Garrus. I think we're both slated for going out with her tomorrow. I'd better turn in, I've been having trouble getting a good night's sleep lately."

"Good talking to you, Tali." Garrus sat and nursed his drink. He wanted to go over to Shepard's door, but decided he needed to stay out of it. He finished and got up, taking his plates up to the kitchen. Shepard appeared around the corner, in her casuals, heading towards the kitchen. Garrus decided to give her some space, he could tell by her expression she was pissed. He put his dishes in the chute as he saw her grab a quick boxed meal out of the fridge. She breezed past him, then stopped, "You got a minute, Garrus?"

"Sure, Jane."

"Join me, would you?" she nodded towards her quarters.

Garrus walked behind her into her quarters as she shut the door behind them. She sat at the table and started eating her meal, "Sorry, I'm starved."

Garrus waived her off, "Don't worry about it. You forgot a drink." He got up and went to her cabinet and grabbed a water, handing it to her.

"Thanks," she took it and opened it, drinking half of it down.

"So, the mission. What happened?"

"Oh, the mission. Well, those colonists were in dire straits," she proceeded to talk to him about the geth infiltration on Feros, the Thorian creature, the cipher.

"Wow, that's kind of crazy."

"Yea, the colonists were being mind-controlled by it. When we killed it, they went berserk, attacking the ship."

Garrus looked puzzled, "We didn't notice anything."

"I told Joker to increase the shields. They were banging on the doors, the hull. There wasn't any real damage they could do, not without weapons." She pulled her fingers into a fist, "Anyway, I used a nerve gas to disable them, most of them, then we came back on the ship. I just finished sending off my report." She finished up her food.

Garrus watched her and waited. "What happened?"

She looked at him puzzled, "I just told you."

"No, with Alenko."

"Fuck, news travels fast."

"No, I was in the mess hall when you guys came back."

"Oh," she looked sheepish, "You saw that, did you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, I just got tired of his bullshit. I knew it would be a challenge taking him and Ashley along, and I was right. She was okay, really, she understands the chain of command. Kaidan, he just, ugh." She stood up and starting pacing her quarters.

"I don't mind my crew offering suggestions, or questioning my ideas, but he just makes a decision and acts on it regardless. I wanted to disable the colonists, and told them both several times that was the plan. Ash held her fire, but Kaidan took two colonists out as I was trying to throw the gas grenades at them. He killed them unnecessarily and jeopardized the mission. He disobeyed a direct order, and do you know what his excuse was?" she looked at Garrus, face flushed with anger.

"That he was trying to protect you."

She looked at him incredulously, "Yes, how did you know?"

"Just a hunch."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't appreciate his disrespect of my position."

Garrus shifted in his seat, "It's more than that, though, isn't it. He's thinking of what he wants, what he needs, not you."

She looked down, "Yea, you're right. I've just got to, well, keep things professional. What a mess. I don't like being controlled like that. I feel like it's an insult to who I am."

Garrus nodded, "Agreed."

She smiled at him. "Thanks for talking with me Garrus."

"That's what best friends are for, right?"

She beamed, "Yup."

Garrus stared at her. Her curls were coming loose out of her bun, her pale skin and red lips in a smile for him, she was beautiful. He felt a jolt shoot through him. He cleared his throat, "Well, tomorrow comes early. I'd better get some sleep."

She put her hand on his shoulder as he left her quarters. "Did you get all those calibrations done today?"

"Yes, completed."

"Great, I knew you would. You'll be a big help tomorrow. I'm lost out there without your superior sniping skills." She opened the door.

Garrus walked outside her door, "Get some rest, Jane."

She smiled, "This is like déjà vu."

"Like what?"

"Déjà vu, that we've done this before." She leaned in the doorway.

"Hmm. Yes." He leaned in a bit and took in her scent. He collected himself and backed away, "See you in the morning."

"Make that early afternoon. We're up late tonight."

The doors shut and Garrus went towards the elevator. Once inside, he rubbed his face in his taloned hands. He was falling for her and he didn't know what to do about it. He'd never considered interspecies relations before, he couldn't believe he was thinking about it now. He couldn't deny he was sexually attracted to her.

"Vakarian?"

He looked up to see the elevator doors open and Ashley standing in front of him.

"Oh, sorry." He walked out past her and went to the cot he'd set up in the back of cargo bay. Wrex had done the same, they were both too big to fit into the sleeping pods the rest of the human crew used.

As the weeks went by, they got closer, spending more time together on missions and on the Normandy. Garrus could tell things had cooled off with Kaidan, he noticed she was polite but professional with him. He was secretly thrilled she had finally seen Alenko's true colors.

The missions progressed with the crew coming together as a team, successfully getting closer to Saren. They had just completed a mission on an Asteroid, and Shepard let the terrorist go to save the people on the station who were locked in with the bomb.

"I'm going to catch up to that bastard Balek someday." She told him, leaning on the Mako.

"I know that was tough, but you made the right decision." Garrus said.

"It will haunt me how many more lives I've put at risk by letting him go." She looked down.

"How much would it have haunted you watching those people get incinerated in front of you, knowing you had sentenced them to death?"

"True. You know me well, Garrus."

"I like to think so." He stood up and faced her. "So what's on the agenda tomorrow?"

"Virmire. We've got to see what Saren's up to out there."

"Should I clean my rifle?"

"Of course. I'm taking you and Wrex. See you in the morning?"

"You bet." He watched as she hesitated, like she wanted to say something else, but she turned and walked over to talk to Ashley. They'd become friends as well, what was it she called it? Girl talk. He watched as they talked animatedly, laughing. Ashley looked over at him and Shepard turned to lock eyes with Garrus. They both giggled, then turned back. Garrus shook his head. She'd figured out how astute his hearing was, so they were keeping their voices low. He finished his work on the Mako, it seemed to be a continuous job with the way Shepard drove it. Ashley had come around somewhat with her feelings towards aliens. No doubt, Garrus thought, largely due to Shepard's influence. They'd had a few good conversations, and Ashley had even helped him once with the Mako.

Shepard finished talking to Ash and stopped again by Garrus' computer station, "I'll see you tomorrow." She said and patted his arm as she walked away.

Garrus took a close look at her, she looked stressed, and pale. He frowned. She left up the elevators, and he finished up the computations he was working on and went up the elevator to medbay.

"Officer Vakarian, pleased to see you. Is there something I can do for you?" broke into a smile.

"I hope I'm not out of line, but it's Shepard. I think the stress of the mission is getting to her, physically and mentally. I wanted to get your advice on what you think I could do to help her out."

"Hm. I think you already do help her out by being such a good friend to her, giving her advice."

"Yes, but something more. Is there some medicine I can get her, some food or drink – I don't know much about what helps humans."

Dr. Chakwas walked over to her cabinet and got a pill, "You can give her this, it helps with headache. Um, you could get her a snack out of the kitchen, and – oh, here's some cream." She walked back to her supplies, "Yes, this will work." She handed it to him.

He looked at it blankly, "What do I do with this?"

"You could give her a massage with it. Rub it on her shoulders, her feet. Humans find touch very soothing, and the texture of your hands would actually make it more intense."

Garrus balked, "I don't know, that's pretty personal."

Dr. Chakwas shrugged, "You can offer, and if she's not comfortable with it, she'll let you know."

Garrus took a deep breath, "I want to help her, do you think it would be appropriate?"

Dr. Chakwas gave him a warm smile, "Give it a try. Even just knowing you are thinking about her will make her feel better."

Garrus turned and left medbay, making his way over to her door pinging it.

"Enter." He heard her tired voice call out.

Garrus came in and she was sitting on her bed in her tank top and cargo pants, smiling weakly. "Hey, Garrus."

"Hey." He walked over and sat on her bed, "I noticed you're feeling kind of run down, and I'm worried about you."

She leaned her head against his arm, "I'll be okay."

"Well, I've got this for you," he handed her the medicine, "Dr. Chakwas said this will help with headache."

She took the pill and reached over her nightstand for her water and took it.

"And, I was wondering if I could get you snack from the kitchen."

"You know, I could eat a little something, that would be nice."

Garrus jumped up, "I'll be right back." He put the cream on her table and left for the kitchen. He grabbed some cheese and fruit and quickly made his way back to her quarters.

"Will this work?"

"Yes, thanks." She took the food and started eating as Garrus grabbed a napkin off her table and brought it over to her.

She took a bite of apple and grinned at him, "Why do you take such good care of me?"

"Because I care about you."

"That's a good feeling. I wish I could do something nice for you."

"Saving the galaxy is a big help. Also – that nice armor you bought me last week. I know that was expensive."

"I want to make sure you are well protected. I can't risk anything happening to you."

He nodded and watched as she continued to eat, finishing off the cheese. "So, what's that?" she said pointing to the container on the table.

"Oh, that." Garrus had forgotten. "Um, that's something Dr. Chakwas gave me." He walked over and took the small glass cylinder back as he sat next to her. "It's lotion, she said it's used in massage to help relieve stress."

Shepard stopped mid-chew, "Are you serious?"

"I, uh," Garrus felt embarrassed.

"That's awesome!" wide-eyed, she finished up the food in her hand, "Where do you want me to sit?"

"Oh, well, that depends on what you want me to massage, your back or your feet."

"You would really massage my feet? That wouldn't like, gross you out or anything?"

"Why? Are they gross?" he looked down at them.

"Well, no, but they're different from you. They're clean, I just showered," she offered.

Garrus laughed, "Then scoot up the bed and I'll see what I can do. No guarantees, you'll have to tell me how to do it, it's my first time."

Shepard wriggled up to the top of the bed, propping herself up on her pillow. Garrus opened the lid and got some cream on his hands as Shepard put one foot on top of his leg.

"Start with this one." She said gleefully.

He rubbed the cream over her skin, then vigorously rubbed his hands up and down her foot.

"No, not like that," she frowned, "rub it in little circles."

He tried, but could tell by her expression he wasn't doing it right. She leaned over and took his hand in hers, "Let me show you." She rubbed his hand, massaging his palm and over the joints.

"Like that, does that feel good?"

"Mmm, yes," Garrus purred.

She grinned, "Well, I think we found a stress reliever that works for both of us."

He opened his eyes and looked into hers, wanting to say something, but holding back. _Remember, she's your Commander,_ he thought. It was getting more and more difficult to keep that in mind. She let go of his hand and moved back, propping her foot on his leg.

This time he dug into her feet with the pads of his talons, imitating the pressure she'd used on his hand. He could tell by her moans and movements he was more successful this time.

She held the back of her hand over her eyes, "Oh damn, yes, that feels so good." He continued to massage her foot, studying her pink skin, the smoothness. He took the other foot and using the cream massaged it for a while more. He noticed something on her leg and pulled up the hem of her pants up a little. He frowned as he saw a fresh burn scar.

"What's this?" he asked.

She looked down, "That, oh that's from a few days ago when we were on Edmos fighting all those Rachni. I got acid squirted at me too many times and it ate through my armor and got me." She caught the concerned look in his face, "It's okay, Dr. Chakwas has already healed most of it. It will scar, but it's no big deal."

He pulled her pant leg down to cover it up. He hated seeing her injured at all.

"How do Turians feel about scars? Is it like the Krogan, like a badge of honor?"

"Not really. It's not really seen as a big deal."

"It doesn't make me ugly to you?" she smiled.

He looked up at her, "Absolutely not."

"You're different, Garrus. Humans are much vainer."

"I'm starting to think you like the differences," Garrus said, rubbing a little harder on her feet.

She moaned, "Oh, yea, that's it right there."

He continued to massage her, being careful to avoid the chemical burn. Finishing, he put the cover on the cream and looked up at her calm, contented expression. "Did that help?"

"Holy hell, yes. Thank you so, so much. I can't remember when I was ever so relaxed." She moved her hand and looked at him, "You are a great friend, Garrus. You're so thoughtful."

"I'm glad it worked. I was a bit skeptical."

"Yes, and next time I'll massage you."

Garrus' mandibles fluttered, "Sure, I'd like that."

"You'll just have to let me know where."

He shook his head, "Yea, I'll give you a lesson on Turian anatomy."

She laughed, "I think I would like that."

He stood up to leave, "I'll be going, it's late. Get some good sleep."

"I will now, thanks to you."

Garrus left the lotion in her quarters and left, making his way down to Cargo bay. As he lay on his cot, he thought about how her skin felt on his hands, her delicious moans and groans. He thought about her comments, wondering if she was flirting with him or not. He turned over and let out a frustrated sigh. It was maddening, he felt tortured by his feelings, but unable to back out or stop them.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day they were on Virmire, steadily taking out geth in the Mako, making their way to meet the Salarians. They met with Captain Kirrahe who explained the situation with Saren, the Krogan breeding facility. It was suddenly much more complicated than they had realized. Wrapping up the conversation, Shepard turned to Kaidan and Ashley who were listening.

"I wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for Wrex," Ashley said.

Shepard furrowed her brows, "Wrex? You think I should talk to him?"

"It couldn't hurt. I'm going to keep my eye on him, just in case." Ashley looked in his direction as Wrex took shots at a rock in the ocean.

Shepard started to walk towards him, then thought better of it, and walked over to Garrus, pointing to Wrex and giving Garrus a questioning look.

Garrus nodded, "Something's going on with him, Shepard. I think you should investigate. I hope we can still trust him."

"You think it's that bad?"

"The genophage is a very touchy subject with Krogans. I've talked to Wrex about it before, he has a vision for the Krogan, a way for them to reclaim their former glory. He's going to have a hard time letting this go."

Shepard tightened her lips. As she started to walk away, she felt Garrus' hand on her shoulder, "Be careful Jane."

She nodded and walked purposefully across the sand. Wrex turned and confronted her about her plan to destroy the base.

"I shouldn't have to explain that to you, Wrex!"

"Help me out here, Shepard, the line between friend and foe isn't clear."

He pulled a gun on her. Shepard instinctively pulled her gun out as well. Trying to calmly convince Wrex, she finally put her gun away to deflate the situation.

"Stop fooling yourself, as soon as Saren doesn't need those Krogan, he'll destroy them. Is that what you want for your people?" she watched as he stood in place, thinking over his next move.

Finally he said, "No. We were tools for the Council once, and look what that got us." He put his gun back. "Okay Shepard, if we're going to do this, let's go."

Sheppard nodded and walked away, letting her breath out, running her hand over her hair. _What the hell._ She definitely wasn't expecting that scenario, but was glad she didn't have to kill him. She looked up and headed back to Garrus, a bit rattled.

"Glad you were able to talk him down," Kaidan said as she passed. She nodded and kept walking to stand in front of Garrus.

"That was close." Garrus said.

"A bit too much, but I was able to reason with him. Whatever Krogans Saren is making in his lab are drones, and he'll destroy him as soon as he's done with them. That's not the answer to the genophage."

"Exactly. I was surprised though, that you had Ashley spot you with the rifle. From that distance, she wouldn't be able to see your face or know what you guys were saying. Did you have a signal for her?"

Shepard stared at him blankly, "What?"

"Did you use a hand signal?"

"Wait a minute, she had her rifle trained on him while I was talking to him? Are you sure?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, positive. You didn't know?"

Shepard grit her teeth, "No, I did not. Excuse me a minute Garrus." And she stormed off to where Ashley and Kaidan were standing.

"What the fuck were you thinking Williams, setting your rifle on Wrex? I did not order that!"

Ashley's eyes got wide, "I, well, I was trying to be back up for you, I don't trust him,"

Shepard got in her face, "You seem to forget, Williams, that I am the Commanding officer here, and you do not have the privilege of making those decisions."

"But I was right, he pulled a gun on you." Ashely protested.

"Oh, and what were you going to do, shoot him?"

"I was about to," she said.

Shepard looked open mouthed back and forth between her and Kaidan who was standing awkwardly by.

"And you, you didn't stop her?" she demanded.

"No, I didn't think it was a bad idea."

"You two are both on report when we get back on the Normandy. If you think you are better at making command decisions, you may leave the ship and serve under yourselves somewhere else. Do I make myself crystal clear?" she was seething with anger.

"Yes ma'am," they both replied quickly.

Shepard put her hands on her hips and shook her head, "I refuse to jeopardize any part of this mission because you guys have a thought. Suggestions are welcome, going rogue is grounds for dismissal."

She turned and left, hearing more "Yes ma'am." behind her. She caught Garrus' sympathetic eye as she let Captain Kirrahe know they were leaving.

"I have to ask you something difficult, Commander. I need to ask for one of your team to go with us to assist with communications." Captain Kirrahe looked at her expectantly.

Shepard sighed as Kaidan volunteered behind her. Ashely volunteered as well, and the two started arguing.

"Enough!" Shepard spun around, "Ashley, you go, I need Kaidan's skills to arm the nuke."

Ashley nodded.

"Look," Shepard didn't want things left on a negative note, "we're a team here, okay, fight hard and give them hell. I know you can do it."

"It's a little weird being under someone else's command." Ashley looked at her.

Shepard fought the urge to give her another lecture about her prejudice against aliens, and instead patted her shoulder, "You can do it. Keep in contact, keep low, and we'll catch up to you at the end. I trust you."

Ashley smiled, and Shepard turned back to Garrus, "You're with me, and Tali. I've got to let Wrex cool off."

Garrus nodded and they made their way to the Mako on the Normandy.

Garrus and Tali fought with Shepard through the base on Virmire, keeping in close contact with Ashley and Captain Kirrahe coordinating the attack. Shepard helped them out as much as they could, choosing to fight the guards instead of making it harder on the team. Making their way into the base, the horror of the situation became more and more real as they saw indoctrinated Salarians, mindless Krogans attacking them. Scientists working at the base provided more information, and they continued their push to get to Saren's lab.

As the door opened, their attention was drawn to a green light emanating from below.

"What's that?" Tali asked.

Shepard gasped, "It's a Prothean beacon!" she was drawn to it and walked down the ramp, Garrus and Tali following.

"Is that like the one on Eden Prime?" Garrus asked.

"Yes," she started to approach, when Garrus stopped her.

"Wait – didn't you say the last one nearly killed you? You were out cold in medbay for a day, right?" Garrus' voice was concerned.

"Yes, but now I've got the cipher, I should be able to understand it better, it shouldn't blow up like that one."

"I don't know, Jane, I just don't think-"

"I know, Garrus," she put her hand on his arm, "But we don't have a choice, I have to find where that conduit is, I have to know what Saren knows."

He nodded, and she turned and walked slowly towards it. Tali and Garrus watched in disbelief as Shepard was lifted several feet off the ground as the beacon interacted with her mind. Garrus was horrified, thinking it might be hurting her, but he was afraid interfering with it would make things worse. Suddenly it released her, and Shepard was slammed down to the floor on all fours.

"Shepard!" Garrus ran over to her, helping her up, "Are you okay?"

She shook her head and little and nodded, "Yea, I'm fine. More visions, a little clearer this time."

"Um, guys? I think you should take a look at that," Tali was pointing up and they followed her gaze to see a red hologram of a bug-like creature.

Shepard drew in a sharp breath, "That's Saren's ship!" She walked up the walkway with her team in tow to face it.

In talking to it, they discovered it's an actual Reaper, and the team continued to question it, not satisfied with its answers and condescending threats. Suddenly it cut off the conversation, and the glass blew out in the whole building.

"We've got to go set that nuke now!" Shepard yelled. The team nodded, and they fought their way through more geth, deactivating the AA tower so Kirrahe's team could provide the distraction. The team went down the elevator through to a large open area the Normandy can land.

Kaidan brought down the Salarian drive core, converted into a bomb. He turned to Shepard, discussing their strategy. Suddenly Ashley came over the com, saying they are pinned down on the second AA tower and can't make the rendezvous point in time.

"Go ahead, I need more time to arm the bomb," Kaidan said, "Go get them and meet me back here."

Shepard nodded, and took Tali and Garrus with her to help Ashley out. Back up the elevator, they walk on the walkway almost towards the door, when their attention was caught by a large geth dropship flying right by the geothermal taps where Kaidan was arming the bomb.

"Holy fuck!" Shepard said, looking at its large hulking mass.

"That's got to have a lot of geth on it," Tali said.

 _"_ _Head's up LT, there's a geth dropship headed to your location,"_ Ash called over the comm.

 _"_ _It's already here! There's geth pouring out all over the bomb site!"_ Kaidan called back.

"Can you hold them off?" Shepard radioed Kaidan.

 _"_ _There's too many, I don't think we can survive until you get here,"_ Kaidan responds.

Shepard looked down, trying to mentally regroup. Suddenly Kaidan's voice is back on the comm, " _I'm activating the bomb."_

"What the hell are you doing, Alenko?" Shepard angrily responded.

" _I'm just making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what. It's done, Commander, go get Williams and get the hell out of here."_

Shepard looked over at Garrus, her shaking her head in disbelief. Before she could respond, Ashley came back over the comm.

 _"_ _Screw that! We can handle ourselves! Go back and get Alenko!"_

A pained expression flickered over Shepard's face as she grabbed Garrus' arm, open mouthed. In that instant he saw the excruciating decision she had to make, her disbelief in having to make it. She drew back her hand and held on tightly to railing for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and stood up straight, "Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site."

 _"_ _Yes, Commander, I-"_ Alenko started.

 _"_ _You know it's the right choice, LT."_ Ash said.

Shepard tried to keep the emotion out of her voice, "I'm sorry Ash, I had to make a choice."

 _"_ _I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing."_

Shepard turned quickly and ran towards the elevator. Garrus and Tali stood behind her, exchanging glances. It was not unheard of to have to lose a member of a team, but they knew to have to make a choice between two people like that, have them stand by waiting to hear their fate, it was torturous. There was no time to for discussion as they backtracked and saw Kaidan and one other officer attempting to protect the bomb against geth destroyers. The team fought the geth and as the last one was killed, Saren suddenly appeared, attacking them. Shepard tried to reason with him, but it was useless.

Watching behind cover, Garrus told Tali, "He's indoctrinated, he doesn't even know it."

Tali nodded, as suddenly Saren flew away on his hovercraft and Shepard went in to attack. Garrus and Tali ran behind her, using tech attacks and gunfire against him. Garrus grinned to himself as he sees they are whittling away at his shields, then Shepard is knocked to the ground, and Saren threw his rifle away, walking up and grabbing her by the throat. Tali froze in fear as Garrus ran towards Shepard, but he is too far away as he watches Saren dangle her over the side of the building by her throat.

Garrus is blinded by rage as he runs towards him, afraid to shoot as he knows Saren will let go of her. Suddenly they hear the bomb alarm go off, and as Saren turns to look at it, Shepard punched him in the face, knocking him down and letting go of his grip on her.

"That's my girl," Garrus said, relieved as he sees Shepard instinctively grab her gun and aim, but Saren is too far away on his hovercraft, locking eyes with her as he escapes.

"There's no time," Shepard mumbled, and ran toward Kaidan as they hear the Normandy overhead. She looked down and sees Kaidan is shot, and picked him up over her shoulder as Garrus and Tali walk with her back on to the Normandy. On board, Shepard runs to a window to watch the bomb go off, silently apologizing to Ashley.

Garrus, Tali, Kaidan, patched up, sat with the rest of the team in the conference room waiting uncomfortably for Shepard. Finally the door opens and she walked in, avoiding eye contact to sit in her chair.

Breaking the silence, Kaidan states the obvious, "I can't believe that Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there?"

Shepard took a deep breath and looked at her crew for the first time, "Williams knew the risks going in. She gave her life to save us."

"But why not me? Why her?"

Garrus tightened his fist, wanting to pummel him for grilling her like that in front of everyone.

"I had to make a choice, I chose you." She said quietly, looking at the floor.

"I know, and I am grateful, but Ash died because of me." He sighed, under his breath he said, "Because of us."

Garrus thought he would lose his self-control, that prick actually thought sentiment saved his sorry ass, that she was still in love with him. He couldn't believe he was making a scene like this in the conference room. He watched Shepard for her reaction.

Her head snapped up, "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't my fault, the only one here to blame was Saren."

"Yes ma'am, I'm – we'll get it done." He said.

Liara piped up, wanted to join minds with Shepard to determine any knew information she obtained from the beacon.

Garrus watched as Liara joined consciousness with Shepard, something he didn't entirely trust, she always looked pale and tired afterwards.

"Ilos!" Liara exclaimed, "The conduit is on Ilos!"

"Then that's where we're headed. Patch me through to the Council, Joker."


	6. Chapter 6

Everyone left, and Garrus waited outside, but after 5 minutes she hadn't appeared. He waited another five. Surely she wasn't still talking to the Council. He took a chance and entered, finding Shepard sitting in her chair, her elbows on her knees, head in her hands.

"Jane?" he walked in further, tentatively.

When she didn't respond, he sat next to her putting his hand on her back. He waited until she leaned back and looked up at him.

"I've never had to do anything like that before, Garrus." Her face was tear-stained.

"I know," he said quietly.

She wiped her face as he put his arm around her, pulling her close. She took deep breaths, then said, "I'm sitting here trying to collect myself so I can go out there and face the crew."

"You don't think they blame you, do you?"

"Kaidan did."

 _Damn him,_ he thought. "I think he just felt guilty himself. He thinks you saved him because you guys had a relationship."

She pulled back and looked at Garrus, pushing hair off her face, "What? Did he say that?"

"Yes, didn't you hear him during the debrief?"

She shook her head, "No, it's all pretty much a blur."

"Look, if their roles had been reversed, would you have saved Williams if she had been at the bomb site?"

Shepard nodded, "Definitely. I had to make sure that bomb went off. I couldn't chance the geth would disarm it. That base had to go."

"You had to make a difficult decision. There was no other way, and like you said, Saren is the one who delayed us so we couldn't get Williams as well, or we would have."

She hung her head.

"Jane, if I was in charge and made the same decision, what would you be thinking and saying to me right now?"

She put her hand on his leg and sighed, "The same things you're telling me."

"I know this mission is wearing you down, but you're strong, you can do it, and you've got me and the rest of the team behind you."

"Yeah?" she gave him a small smile.

"Damn straight!" he said.

She laughed, "Where'd you hear that?"

"Joker." He grinned.

She looked up at Garrus, into his piercing blue eyes, felt his concern for her. Out of nowhere, she felt her stomach flutter, a jolt through her. She looked down at her hand, still on his leg, and he put his hand over hers. Another jolt. She could feel a flush coming up her face. This was a surprise.

She pulled her hand out and stood up and stretched her back, looking at the ceiling. She let out a low breath, "Alright, enough of this, I've got to regroup."

Garrus stood up next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She smiled and put her hand over his, "Thanks, Garrus. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He felt her warm soft hand on his leathery skin, "I feel the same way." She felt another flutter. _Damn, what was this?_

She walked towards the door, stopping in front of it to straighten her hair and herself. She walked out, Garrus walking behind her. She proceeded to talk to the members of the crew about what happened. _I must let them know we can move on, to stay focused on the mission._ She made her way down to cargo bay to talk to Captain Kirrahe, who assured her that Ashley would be remembered by them for her sacrifice. _How ironic,_ she thought _, being honored by aliens._

Making her way back to the CIC, she brought up the map to take the Salarians back to the Citadel when Joker came over the com, letting her know they need to meet with the Council, who are coordinating a joint species fleet to go after Saren.

Triumphant, Shepard went back to her quarters, putting her report in while they made it to the Citadel.

 _ETA 90 minutes, Shepard._ Joker's voice came over her omni-tool

"Thanks Joker." She sat back on her couch, exhausted, but thrilled that the Council was finally taking Saren as a serious threat.

"Now maybe we can finally take that bastard down." She said to herself. She sent out a report to Hackett and the Council, brief, but thorough.

Thoughts of Ashley went through her mind, she couldn't keep them out, so decided to stop trying. They had formed a friendship over the past weeks. She enjoyed having another female marine to talk to. She leaned back on her couch, rubbing her eyes with her hands. She wished she hadn't argued with Ashley on Virmire about Wrex, but at least they didn't leave things on that note. She got up and grabbed a snack out of her cabinet. Checking her omni-tool, she saw they had 30 minutes left before they made it to the Citadel dock. Taking a few bites, she leaned against her desk, formulating in her mind her conversation with the Council.

A ping at her door caught her attention. "Enter."

Kaidan stood at the doorway. He came in and saluted her. "Sorry for what I said back there, Adrenaline."

"I know." Shepard said.

Kaidan stood at ease, shifting uncomfortably. Finally he said, "I'm checking to see the terms of my disciplinary action."

"Your what?" Shepard asked.

"You put me on report down on Virmire."

Shepard stood up straight, shaking her head she waived him off, "Oh that, don't – don't worry about it."

"Um, okay. If you're sure."

Shepard sat on the edge of her bed, "Jesus Christ Alenko, don't worry about it, okay?"

Kaidan walked over to her, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, I didn't mean to upset you."

Shepard looked up at him and scooted over on the bed to make room, "I don't either. It's a bad situation." She paused, "Look – don't feel guilty about my decision. I made it as a Commander."

Kaidan sat on the bed and looked down at the floor, "Yea. I get it. We knew it was always a possibility, but you never think it will happen to you. How did you deal with the casualties on Elysium?"

Shepard pondered that for a moment, "It was my job to get everyone out safely. I failed. I vowed to do better. Same here, I suppose, I'll do better, in her memory."

Kaidan nodded. He studied her face, something he hadn't been able to do for weeks since their fight after Feros. He missed her, missed being with her. "You'll get it done, Jane. We're all behind you."

She gave him a small smile, "Thanks for coming by. I, I appreciate it."

He put his hand on her leg and gave it a small squeeze. He got up, pointing to the snack in her hand, "Make sure you eat that, you've got to keep your strength up."

She grinned, "That's usually what I tell you."

"Well, maybe I should have been taking care of you a bit more." He turned and walked out of her quarters. As she watched him leave, she thought about how easily it could have been him who died on Virmire. His technical skills saved him.

Her omni-tool lit up, _Fifteen minutes, Commander, and we'll be at the Citadel._

Taking Kaidan's advice, she finished the snack, then got ready to depart when they docked with the Citadel. She took Garrus and Kaidan with her, wanting to have the key members of the Virmire team there.

Meeting with the Citadel turned out to be an exercise in frustration, as they failed to see the Reaper threat, focusing on Saren, setting up a blockade. They refused to go to the Mu relay, giving excuses about not wanting to start a galactic war. Shepard turned to Udina for support to go to Ilos to stop Saren from getting to the conduit. Instead, he threw her under the bus.

"There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity's made great gains thanks to you," he turned and looked at her accusingly, "but now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

"You bastard! You're selling us out!" Kaidan spat at him. Shepard was too shocked to say anything.

Udina walked towards the Council, "It's just politics, you've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems, until further notice, you're grounded."

"Are you insane? After all I've done, you still don't believe me?" Shepard was furious.

Udina barely turned back, with a smirk he replied, "I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this, with my help, of course."

Shepard glared at him as she walked away. Garrus and Kaidan walked behind her, barely able to catch up. "Let's get back to the ship." She said tersely, as they took transport back to the dock. No one said a word as they made their way back on the Normandy. Rage and frustration fueled her stride as Shepard went up to her quarters and took her armor off. Throwing it in a pile, she went back down to her locker and put her weapons in it. Wanting to double check the heat sink on her pistol, she turned back to re-open her locker. Three attempts to open it failed, and she turned and slumped on the floor in front of it, defeated. She saw steps approach, and Kaidan was standing over her.

"Commander, are you alright? I'm sure we can appeal, we're under Alliance authority, not the Council."

"I tried. All official channels are closed. They were quite clear about that." She said, disgusted.

"So we're just going to accept that? Wait until the Reapers roll in, and doom the galaxy?"

She huffed, "No fucking way. I'll figure something out, I just don't know what yet."

"I have faith in you Shepard," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I just don't get it, are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents or just peons?"

She looked up at him, "I'm sick of it. I think it's time to take a little initiative. There's just too much at stake."

He nodded, "Agreed. I figured you'd have something up your sleeve." He reached his hand down to help pull her up. He looked at her intently, and she smiled and looked down.

"I want to apologize-"

She held up her hand, "Look, I told you, forget about what happened with Wrex on Virmire."

"Well, that too, but I wanted to apologize for how I acted on Feros. And for how things have been awkward between us since then. I'm really sorry."

She sighed, "I am too. Let's just move on. We've-"

Joker's voice came over the comm, " _Sorry to interrupt, Commander, got a message from Captain Anderson. Said to meet him in that club in the wards, Flux_.".

"I should go." Shepard said.

Kaidan nodded, "Do you want me to join you?"

"Nope, I'm taking Garrus and Tali. I don't want to arouse suspicion by having any Alliance officers with me."

Soon she was walking on the Citadel with Tali and Garrus.

"So, what's the plan?" Tali asked when they made it on the elevator.

"Don't know yet. Anderson wants to meet us at Flux. I hope he's got a plan, I'm out of options."

"He's pretty resourceful." Garrus said.

Shepard was glad to have him with her. She couldn't imagine going on any missions without him again, ever. She looked behind her at him and caught his eye. He smiled at her, and she felt that familiar rush again. As they walked around the Citadel, she let her mind go to her feelings for Garrus. Everytime she looked at him, it felt different now. She suddenly felt self-conscious of his every move, every word. _Holy hell, I'm falling for him_ , she thought. She rolled her eyes inwardly, realizing that as the galaxy was at stake, she was contemplating her crush on her Turian officer.

Making their way to Flux, Anderson motioned to them from across the crowded bar scene. Pulsating music all around, they sat down to discuss strategy.

She discussed with Anderson being locked out of the Normandy. He admitted he knew, but was unable to get a message to her before she docked.

"This isn't over, you can't give up. You have to go to Ilos and stop Saren." Anderson was insistent.

Shepard sat back in frustration, "Agreed, but the only ship that can get me there undetected is grounded."

Anderson told her his plan to override the lockout and steal the ship. Shepard expressed her concerns about the consequences, to him, to her crew. Anderson reassured her, "If the Reapers come, it won't matter, we'll all be dead."

They decided to have Anderson hack into Udina's computer and override the lockdown order, it was the safest option. "I'll take care of the lockdown, you get back to the Normandy and tell Joker to standby."

"I won't forget this, Captain." Shepard was humbled by his faith in her.

Anderson nodded, "You should head out."


	7. Chapter 7

Back on the Normandy, Shepard ordered radio silence, then gathered the crew to let them know about the plan. She gave them the option to leave, but no one had any intention of leaving, just like Anderson said, they'd follow her to the end of the galaxy. Relieved, she ordered them to battle stations and walked up to the cockpit to stand wait with Joker, both staring at the red control panel. The wait was excruciating, and just as Shepard started to lose hope the panel turned green, "Get us out of here Joker, now!"

The Normandy flew undetected out of Citadel space towards the Mu relay.

"Joker – ETA?"

 _"_ _Not for at least 6 hours, Shepard, maybe more. It's far out."_

"Okay, Thanks Joker."

She stood in the elevator, contemplating what to do next. She felt conflicted about stealing the ship. Mutiny was not her style, but she had to complete the mission. Anderson's pep talk echoed in her ears. The doors opened in cargo bay and she walked out to find Garrus by the Mako. She felt the now familiar nervous excitement when she saw him and walked over to where he was leaning over it.

"Garrus, hey." She leaned against the cold metal, folding her hands.

"Shepard." He stood up straight and looked down at her. "I know it's hard for you to take the ship like this against the Council, but you know it's the right decision."

"I know. I just hope we can stop him."

"We're so close, we can do it. The galaxy doesn't know it, but they're all counting on us."

She impulsively reached out and grabbed his hand, "I couldn't have done this without you, Garrus." She looked into his eyes, and thought about what a good friend he'd been to her, how he'd taken care of her, respected her. She pleaded inwardly that he might have some sort of feelings for her.

He squeezed her hand back, "It's been a pleasure working with you, Jane, and being your friend."

"I feel the same way, Garrus." She tilted her head and got a little nearer.

"I saw you and Kaidan talking in the mess hall earlier. He didn't upset you, did he?" Garrus didn't want her worrying about him on the mission.

"What? Oh, no. He was just apologizing about his attitude on Feros, on Virmire. I guess I told him down there that he was on report. I dismissed it. After losing Ashley, it kind of gives you perspective, you know? It's time to put that behind us and move on."

Garrus nodded, "I agree."

She grabbed his other hand in hers, thinking about how much she cared about him. Gathering her courage, she said, "We have time before we get to Ilos, it won't be until early tomorrow. I was hoping you could come up to my quarters." She looked at him expectantly, biting her lip.

Garrus shook his head, "I've got to make sure the Mako is in shape for the mission. We can't chance any problems at all on Ilos. It's a one-shot deal."

"Oh, well, do you want some help? I can –"

"No thanks, I appreciate it, but I can concentrate better when I work alone."

"Is it that bad?" she looked at the Mako.

"No, it just makes me feel better to keep going over it. It passes the time."

"I see." She said, scanning his face desperately for a flicker of emotion. She couldn't find any. Dejected, she let go of his hands. "I understand, Garrus. I'll be in my quarters if you change your mind." She reluctantly backed away and turned for the elevator. With every step she wanted him to call her back, but as she entered the elevator she turned around and saw him diligently working on the Mako. She pushed the button and as the door closed she put her face in her hands. "Dammit, he doesn't feel that way about me at all." She collected herself to make it to her quarters and plopped down in her desk chair staring blankly at her computer.

Garrus continued calibrating the systems on the Mako. He was mostly done, but he wanted it to be perfect. _No room for error,_ he thought. He thought it was odd the way Shepard had come down to see him, he knew with the mission as important as this one, she would need time to regroup and recharge. There wouldn't be any time for drinking and watching vids like they usually did on downtimes. "I wonder if she needed to discuss strategy with me." He pondered, but he knew that couldn't be it. They didn't know what they would face on Ilos, there was no information on the planet. She should probably confer with Liara, she had some research on it. Maybe he should have suggested that. He didn't like seeing her unsure of herself. She really didn't know how strong she was.

Shepard waited for an hour, hoping Garrus might show up, then she realized whatever she thought might be between them was not going to happen. She grabbed a drink out of her cabinet and poured herself a glass before going back to her desk to review information Liara had sent her on Ilos, what little there was. After some time she heard a ping at the door.

"Enter?" she said hopefully.

Kaidan came in. "Commander?"

She snorted, "You probably shouldn't call me that. I probably shouldn't even be wearing this uniform." She stood up.

"Yea, we broke our oath to defend the Alliance so we can keep it. What happens if this doesn't work out, Shepard? We mutinied, stole a prototype warship, they could throw in kidnapping if they want to get technical."

"There is no precedent for this, Kaidan. If we're right, none of that will matter and we'll know we saved the galaxy. The Council will know too. We're making the right decision, no matter how hard it is."

"Yea, I get you Shepard. It'll really hit the fan when we get to Ilos. If things don't go well, I want you to know, well – I've enjoyed serving under you."

"Kaidan, you stopped being just a subordinate a long time ago. We're friends, too. I, I'm glad you're here." She looked down.

He walked towards her and hugged her, "Is this okay?"

She nodded on his shoulder as she felt his strong arms around her, relaxing into his embrace. She felt silent tears fall on his uniform. The enormity of the situation weighed on her fully. She put her arms around his waist, and they stood there for a minute. Finally he pulled back and put his hand under her chin, "Shepard, it will work out." He saw her tears for the first time, "Oh, don't do that." He wiped them off her face and stroked her hair, kissing her forehead.

She tried to collect herself as he held her face in her hands, "Jane, I wish I could go back in time and change things. I guess that's why I came up here. I think about losing you and I can't stand it."

She looked up at him, emotionally raw, _This may be my last night alive,_ she thought.

"You know, the galaxy will just keep going. Even the Reapers, but right now, tonight, you and I, we are important right now. And this is what will never happen again, us." He said quietly.

She nodded and held onto his arms. He leaned down and kissed her softly. She thought for a second about telling him no, but feeling his warmth, the hunger in his kiss, she responded. She held his face in her hands and felt his hands on her back, pulling her closer. They walked closer to her bed and frantically took their clothes off. She grabbed him, smashing herself against him.

He groaned and dug his fingers into her shoulders, "Darling, I-"

Inwardly she rolled her eyes and kissed him, thrusting her tongue in his mouth to shut him up. She ravaged him, running her hands down his chest and on his back, digging her nails into him.

"Ow, not so hard," he protested.

She pulled back and looked at him surprised. _Seriously? Maybe this wasn't going to happen after all._ Then she looked down and saw his hard cock. _Well, then again-_

She grinned and sat back on the bed, scooting upwards. _Damn he is hot._ She licked her lips as he started to crawl towards her. Ripped abs, dark hair, soft brown eyes.

"Oooph," she mumbled as he almost fell on her unceremoniously. He started kissing her neck and shoulders. She wrapped her legs around him and rubbed herself on him.

"Mmmm, how does that feel?" she purred.

"Fantastic," he said, awkwardly rubbing her breasts.

 _Oh my god this sucks so bad,_ she thought. She looked up at her ceiling as he reached down and held his penis at her opening.

 _Good thing I'm desperate for it, looks like there's no foreplay._ She gave out a little gasp as he pushed himself into her with a few thrusts. _Damn, he didn't even wait for me to get ready._

She decided to make the best of it and started writhing underneath him. One thing about biotics, they could last. She was able to work him and lose herself in the sensations. She felt herself close to cumming. She watched him, and saw a slight blue glow start to form, and threw her head back in pleasure as she felt the vibrations of his biotics through his cock. He was talking to her, but she didn't listen to him as she started gasping and felt the wave start. "Fuck, I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" she yelled and he thrust into her harder. He grunted loudly and lay down on top of her. Frustrated, she continued to press up against him, her orgasm not yet finished. He wasn't moving though, and it was over.

He looked down at her, smiling and placed a kiss on her forehead. He pulled out and moved off her and snuggled up to her. She frowned _, I would have rather watched Blasto, I think._ She patted him and blew her hair off her face. At least she worked out some tension. She put her hand over her face and relaxed, falling asleep.

Her omni-tool beeped softly waking her up. She looked over at Kaidan, confused. _Oh, that's right._ _Damn, he's still here._ She carefully pulled his arm off her and slid out of bed. She used her shower to clean up and got dressed, hoping he would be gone when she got out. No such luck. She leaned against her desk, watching him. She remembered some of the things he was saying to her last night, that he loved her, wanted to be with her. She bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say to him to let him down easy.

Suddenly he stirred and turned over, waking up and seeing her. He propped up on his elbows, "It's been a long time since I've met a woman who-"

Joker came over the comm, _"Bridge to Commander Shepard, we're five minutes out from the Mu relay."_

"You're a sweetheart, Kaidan-" she started.

He stood up with the sheet around him, "I've got to get dressed. Joker's waiting for you on the bridge. I swear, though, if anything happens to you. Take care, Shepard."

She shook her head, _Fuck, there was no time to go into it._ She nodded and walked out of her quarters towards the cockpit.


	8. Chapter 8

Upstairs she joined an argument in progress about how to land the Mako on Ilos. Joker was trying to maneuver the ship closer to where Saren was. Shepard spied Garrus standing by Pressly, looking at the data on the computer stream.

"If you go in that hot, we risk the Mako falling apart," Pressly stated.

Garrus shook his head, "The Mako's fine. It's decreasing accuracy with the speed, you might end up on top of a building or crashing into a crevasse." He looked up and saw Shepard.

"What do you think, Joker?" she asked and walked towards them.

"I can do it, Commander."

"It's a suicide!" Kaidan suddenly joined them.

Shepard stood close to Garrus, "What do you think?"

Garrus turned his head to speak and stopped, staring at her.

"What?" she asked, "What do you think Garrus? Is there enough room to land the Mako?" She looked at him puzzled.

Garrus was temporarily distracted by the strong scent of Kaidan on her. He looked over her shoulder at him, standing in the doorway of the cockpit, arms folded. Pressly's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"We can't do it, there's not enough room. There's got to be a better way." Pressly said.

"There is no other way!" Joker yelled.

"Joker?" she asked questioningly.

He turned to look at her, "I can do it."

"Fine. Garrus, you and Liara are with me. Let's head down to the Mako now," she breezed past Kaidan who stopped her.

"What about me?"

Damn, he was starting this whiney shit again already. "No, Kaidan, not this mission," she turned and walked purposefully out, Liara hot on her heels. Garrus nodded to Joker, then walked out as well, pausing beside Kaidan. He turned his head slightly to look at him, then kept walking.

"What's his problem?" Kaidan asked Tali who shrugged.

On the Mako Garrus reflected over the implications. He'd smelled Shepard's scent on Kaidan when he walked past him, even stronger. He looked over at her in the driver's seat of the Mako. He couldn't believe she'd done that. He knew she'd forgiven Kaidan, to a point. What made her decide to sleep with him? He looked forward and shook his head. He could taste the disappointment in his mouth. He focused on the mission as they landed on Ilos.

He put it out of his mind, taking his aggression out on the geth. They made their way through the conduit, to the citadel, and eventually up to the council chambers after Saren. Despite everything, he was glad to have met her, glad to have fought with her, and put his all into supporting her and doing everything they could to stop Saren.

They defeated him, as well, and the fleet took out Sovereign. Victorious, he saw Liara grin at him, and heard Shepard scream out at them. A deafening shatter in front of them leveled him to the ground under a mound of debris. Everything went dark and he came to when C-sec omni-tools flashed in his face. A hand reached out to help him out, and he walked out, seeing Liara ahead of him, limping.

"Where's Shepard?" Anderson shouted.

Garrus started to tell him he didn't know, when he and Anderson both caught Liara's gaze. She shook her head and looked at a large arm of the Reaper ship where Shepard had been standing previously. Garrus felt his heart sink in his stomach. It took all his self-control not to vomit from grief. The group reluctantly turned and started walking towards the elevator. Garrus couldn't believe how his pride had kept him from telling her how he felt. How much he admired her, how much he cared about her. He fought back tears as he thought about the sacrifice she'd made.

"Wait – wait!" one of the officers yelled.

They all turned and looked where he was pointing. Garrus squinted looking back at the wreckage. A sudden movement caught their eye.

"There!" Liara called out.

Suddenly there she was, bruised and bloody, clutching her arm, but triumphant, scampering over debris and standing on a piece of it.

Garrus gasped, feeling he could breathe again. They turned to each other, smiling, relieved. Shepard ran down the rest of the wreckage to join the group. Anderson patted her, shaking her hand. She nodded at Liara, supported by an officer. She walked over to a stunned Garrus and stood in front of him.

"We did it," she said, beaming.

Garrus reached out and grabbed her, holding her tightly. She returned the hug. They stood embracing for a while. "Don't ever do that again," Garrus said, muffled in her hair.

"Do what?" she replied, confused.

He held her tighter, "Die."

"Oh, Garrus. Don't worry. You won't be rid of me that easily." She patted him.

The next few weeks went by quickly. Shepard and Anderson conferred with the Council, the ship was handed back over to the Alliance. Shepard had been upset because that meant the alien crew members would have to be off the ship. Tali was excited to return victorious from her pilgrimage, Wrex decided to return to his merc work, asking for a much higher rate now. Liara went back to her research, starting with Ilos.

Garrus had to leave the Normandy as well. Shepard was most upset to see him go. He'd been different with her since the Reaper attack. She couldn't put her finger on it, and when she asked him about it, he wouldn't acknowledge it. He was still her friend, but kept his distance. It didn't help that Kaidan was frustrating her by mooning over her. It got so bad she finally had to have a private talk to him that it was just a one-night stand, and he needed to get over it. Furious, he'd stormed out of her quarters, but the next day was still attempting to woo her back.

 _What a mistake that had been_ , she chided herself, _At least nobody knew about it. Say what you would about him, Kaidan was at least discreet._ She wished she hadn't let her fear override her good sense when she'd slept with him. But, it had happened, and she had to deal with it.

The only thing that took the sting out of Garrus leaving was knowing he was going for training for the Spectre program. "I'm really proud of you, proud to be your friend." She'd told him as he left the Normandy at the Citadel.

He took her hand and looked down at it, "I owe a lot to you, Jane. Keep in touch, and be careful out there."

"I will, Garrus."

He started to say something else, then cleared his throat and dropped her hand, turning and walking away.

Shepard watched him until he got on the elevator and sighed, going back into the ship. The next few weeks brought a suddenly mundane existence of exterminating the remaining geth presence in the galaxy. Shepard messaged Garrus every day, letting him know what was going on, encouraging him with his Spectre training.

Garrus was starting to enjoy the change, the challenge. He started to think about his future. They talked about him rejoining the Normandy as a Spectre. "If not," Shepard messaged him, "We'll go out as a team on Spectre missions."

"Sounds great," he'd messaged back. He looked forward to getting off at night so he could check his messages. He felt they were finding their way back to each other again. He hadn't made his feelings known, but he thought maybe they still had a chance. He'd figured out Kaidan had been a one-night stand. She was trying to figure out how to get Kaidan off the ship in a way that he would see as a promotion and not retaliate against her. She'd asked Garrus for advice on how to do that.

Back in his apartment one night, he took off his armor after a grueling hand-to-hand round with another Spectre trainee. He checked his computer for a message. The familiar ping from Shepard wasn't there. Puzzled, he thought maybe she was too far away from a relay and it was delayed. She had been pretty far out in the Traverse that week. He took a shower and changed into his casuals. Grabbing some Turian ale, he smiled, thinking about how Shepard had introduced him to this brand. Drinking it made him feel like he was back on the Normandy with her. He turned on the vidfeed and sat down.

The images on screen choked him. He dropped his glass and stumbled up, watching the ANN reporter mouth the phrases that sliced his heart, "Normandy destroyed," "Commander Shepard lost, feared dead." He shouted at it, "NO, NO! It's a lie, it's a secret mission!" he started to go back to his computer to search what was really going on when a familiar voice froze him in his tracks. Joker was on the screen being taken away to a hospital. The camera had zoomed in on him, the reporter peppering him with questions. He didn't answer her, instead saying over and over, "She's gone. Shepard's gone. I watched it –" and he broke down.

The reporter turned back to the camera as Joker was taken away by paramedics. "There you have it from the pilot of the Normandy, Commander Shep-" Garrus howled and ran at the vidscreen smashing it with his fists. He gasped for air as he looked down at the blue blood dripping from his arms down on the floor. That was the last day he ever drank Turian ale, the last day he was in the Spectre program, and the day his life was over.


End file.
